Inspect Your Worst, I Mean Wurst

German "platform toilet" - inspect your WurstPlatform toilets. These are toilets that allow you to inspect your "Wurst" (Sausage) - translation: your shite. Germans are infatuated with them. I first saw them in Berlin. I thought, "Wow, this is weird, I'm shatting on a porcelain platform." It reminded me of seeing a pile of dog shite on the sidewalk, just completely out of place!

This is from Portnoy Stammtisch on the topic of "poo platforms". It was "World Toilet Day" on November 19. No kidding.

To most newcomers to this fine country, the contraption is an enigma. Who would want a shelf, just inches from your backside, that collects your business while allowing you to revel in your own stench? Not even a mercy flush is much help with this thing. And, to make matters worse, it's almost impossible to get rid of what you want to get rid of without the manual assistance of a toilet brush.

Germans, perhaps tired of having to defend this terrible device to perplexed outsiders, usually just shrug if you bring it up.

It wasn’t until I’d lived here for several years that I finally found one who I believed would give me a straight answer. In a newsroom of mixed nationalities, we were blessed with a German colleague of questionably fervent patriotism (let’s not use the adjective “brown” in this context, okay?) with an amazing knowledge and love of Teutonic culture. I would never have managed to squeeze out a question about the platform on my own but emboldened by my other English-tongued colleagues, I let it fly.

"It’s so you can inspect your poo. You can tell if you’re eating right," he told us in all seriousness. Rolf (name changed) was über-German – I've only ever met Dutch or Swiss who can speak with less irony. Actually, I’m being too kind. What he really said was: “It’s so you can inspect your Wurst.”

Comments

[byzanicon]

Um ... ewww ... and how come I didn't know about this sooner?

[Quinn Jacobson]

Well, that's a good question. As you know, scatological topics rank high on my list of "things to talk about" - so it does surprise me that we haven't had a chat about this. Please accept my apologies.